In early 2015, our Archdiocese like many others was offered a 47-question open-ended survey in order to gather information about what people throughout the world understand about the Church’s teaching, her pastoral practice, current conditions, and the reality of marriage and family life. The survey was probably a poor translation, and the questions were ill-structured, so I ended up writing about 15,500 words in the one week window for completing it. I have chosen to share a few of these, here, as well, for your comments. I will quote the question, and what follows is my answer. I have edited the answers slightly for brevity, politeness, and clarity.
12. How can people be helped to understand that a relationship with God can assist couples in overcoming the inherent weaknesses in marital relations? (cf. n. 14) How do people bear witness to the fact that divine blessings accompany every true marriage? How do people manifest that the grace of the Sacrament sustains married couples throughout their life together?
Does not the last part of this question subtly confuse the direction of ministry in the Sacrament of Matrimony? The Sacrament, celebrated and ratified by the couple and ministered to the faithful, is solemnized and witnessed and blessed by the Church. Nor is the Sacrament one which, like Holy Communion or Reconciliation or Anointing of the Sick, is fundamentally oriented to the renewing and nourishing of the wayfarer; it is one which, like its correlative Order, conveys divine grace precisely for the purpose of faithfully responding to a certain call. Thus, in large measure, the grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony is manifested precisely insofar as the bond itself is honored and fruitful; by being fruitful, especially in bearing and rearing children, and also in every avenue of service to which the Church calls them, the couple ministers the grace of the Sacrament among the faithful. As a sentimental favorite says,
He giveth more grace, when the burdens grow greater;
He giveth more strength, as the labors increase;
To added afflictions, he addeth His mercy;
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.
Therefore, when the Church calls on the couple to be faithful, the Church calls forth the grace of the Sacrament which is already theirs.
Every couple, and each husband and wife, and every child, will likely fail in great ways or small, to heed this call and realize the goods of Matrimony and family life; the grace will be “spilled,” or wasted (at least in appearance, and for a time). These failings will affect the family, and certainly the family must be reminded of the special gift of frequent forgiveness that belongs to the “domestic church”; yet these failings do not only affect the family’s internal working, but affect the whole Church—they impede the ministry of grace that flows from the Sacrament of Matrimony, they distort the currents of her working, they leave ruptures within and among her members, ruptures which must be healed at their source or repaired when the harm is done and the cost is higher. Therefore the Sacrament of Matrimony must not be treated as self-healing, or self-supporting, as though for all things marriage we had only one relevant Sacrament. Rather, the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the importance of performing penances and reparations, as well as living in justice and charity in more easy and obvious ways, must be taught boldly as the necessary supports to Matrimony as well as other states in which we live the life of the Body of Christ together. Reconciliation must not be understood only as the technical precondition for Communion for those consciously guilty of a narrow class of not-quite-rationalized sins, but as the remedy that it is for breaches in the life of the Church; when we are angry with each other in marriage, we harm not only ourselves, but the whole Church, and it is an act of the whole Church, of the “one Christ” that is Head and Body, through which the life of Matrimony is faithfully lived. Therefore both frequent and full Confession and the performance of truly healing penitential and reparative acts, and the worthy and reverent reception of Communion with clear conscience and right disposition, should be treated as necessary adjuncts to fidelity in marriage.
When the Sacrament of Matrimony is treated as graced for the service of the Church, and the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist are treated as the necessary adjuncts of Matrimony for the free and full sharing of the graces needed for fidelity in marriage and fruitful service in the Church, then we may expect to see “divine blessings” manifested in transformed lives and transformative bonds.