A wonderful friend with a wonderful family brought up the subject of coworkers who are celebrating the recent Supreme Folly, and doing so in a way that seems to call for a response. As is my wont, I monologued, thus:
So, silent is better than just being obnoxious, right? So that’s a place to start. I really admit that it’s awkward–during the academic year, I’m around friendly colleagues all the time whose views are radically opposed to my own, or just radically different.
Obviously it wouldn’t be possible to sincerely congratulate them or join in their celebration–and it’s not decent of them to expect you to, or to celebrate in front of you (in fact, if it causes a lot of pressure for you, it may well constitute a “hostile work environment,” but that’s a whole different question). Sometimes, though, I do just let a flat observation–“Yeah, I can see that you’re happy”–stand in the place of an agreement or disagreement, when there’s no way to make that understood.
I try not to get into conversations where there is little chance of being understood, double if there is great chance of offending, triple if there are high stakes like people getting upset enough to ruin the work environment.
Much comes down to how we approach our workaday lives in the first place, right? For years, now, I have been trying hard to make sure that my commitments were directly part of my work and my persona, neither being obnoxious nor leaving much room for anyone to be surprised. This can be awkward: people who are different from me, but who I would really like to talk to and befriend if I can, tend to talk in low voices around the corner rather than return my greetings. I am often concerned that efforts to reach out in friendliness are misinterpreted, and sometimes I am tempted to give up. But I have also had opportunities to have surprisingly frank conversations, which is wonderful.
So I don’t mind being quiet when I can’t make a difference, being friendly *without* congratulating or affirming wrongs, and making careful judgments about what situations you can or cannot speak to without being obnoxious or getting fired.
But we have to be thinking “how can we live according to reality” and “how can we do that together” and “how can we teach that to another generation” in everything we do.
If we separate a part of our lives where we affirm evil because we’re being nice from a part where we quietly admit we think it’s evil, we are just taking on guilt and shame that we don’t need and can’t afford–and teaching others that faith doesn’t matter.
Does that make sense?
(If we were having a conversation, we’d be more back-and-forth and less intense-sounding about this, I feel sure.)